Holding a Candle to the Devil
by SarahBlackwood
Summary: Sirius remembers his cousin Bellatrix. Why Sirius doesn't consider her family anymore. Finished! Please review!
1. Chapter 1

Hey! I wrote this a while ago. Before the seventh book. And thought I'd post it. Let me know if you want more. There is more.

None of these characters belong to me. Just having fun.

**Holding A Candle To The Devil**

**Prologue: In The Gloom**

_On the ground again. Belly down, shoulders hunched, he wills his heart to slow in his chest. He does this by concentrating hard on everything that surrounds him, the unique smell of moldy rope and rusting bars, the chill of the stones beneath him, the damp against his skin where the torn robes no longer offer protection._

_He doesn't know what forces him into this position time and time again. He only knows that like this, he feels safe, out of sight, a false comfort really, for the dementors cannot see._

_They pass without noticing him. He isn't sure if this pleases him, as it seems to imply he is losing himself. There are no more happy thoughts for them to feed on._

_This is when he realizes she is there. He becomes aware of her presence slowly, first: the old tingling of nerves that announces her arrival, then the fine hairs on the backs of arms and the nape of his neck stand up, then he feels the desperation bubble up in his stomach. He looks up through the bars, her name almost on his lips he silences himself in the last minute by forcing himself to remember that he no longer feels that way about her. _

_Clearing his mind as best he can he raises his head slightly and sees her standing there. She seems ridiculously calm and composed, like she is waiting for her date in front of a coffee shop, or standing at a station waiting for the train to pull in._

_Her hands are bound; her hair has been caught inexpertly in a loose knot. She turns to face him abruptly, her dark eyes distant as if she cannot see her mean surroundings. It seems to him as if the years are melting away like lemon ice in a paper cup._

**1. This Is What He Knows **

Only five days till fourth year began. Mrs. Black and her sons donned muggle clothing for the journey to the train station, where they awaited the arrival of Cousin Bellatrix, who was traveling from Dover having just arrived on a boat from France. Just why she was traveling in the muggle fashion instead of apperating Sirius never found out. It was one of the last hot days of the summer and Sirius, uncomfortable in the heat and impatient with the long wait and having to stand still, turned his attention to his younger brother Regulus, who was staring into space, mouth agape, the small wire rimmed glasses sliding down the bridge of his narrow nose. When the train pulled into the station he clapped Regulus hard on the back causing the glasses to fly. Mrs. Black made him crawl under a bench to find them again.

And that was how she first saw him, on his hands and knees in the dirt. As he brushed his hands off on his jeans he noticed her standing alone on the platform looking in his direction. She wore muggle clothing, a long dark red coat with a fox fur collar, despite the heat. She looked immaculate, stylish and arrogant. He saw at once that her eyes were black and somewhat heavy lidded. This gave her a slightly sullen expression. Her lips were on the thin side, her smile like cruel stab of crimson in her face. She waited for him to look her in the eye before twisting those thin lips into a smile, slowly, as if they had just discovered they could do so.

Next she walked towards Mrs. Black and embraced her. Sirius found himself gaping in shock the way Peter did while watching James play quidditch. _You look like a bleeding guppy. _He had never seen his mother embrace anyone. Not even his father. He supposed, in an off hand way, that there might be plenty of things he didn't know about his mother and had never bothered to find out. But this was the last thing he expected. That look of pride and, what was the word? Tenderness.

This is what he did know about her: Mrs. Black stood tall and straight, her hair had turned gray early in life and she was too proud to enchant it with color. She carried a gleaming walking stick topped with a silver dog's head, which Sirius had become well acquainted with in the past, generally following temperamental outbursts or failing to fit in with the family ideals. She had been exceedingly vain in her youth but now thought it shallow to spend too much time grooming oneself. Nevertheless she sat for her portrait every two years. She was a few years older than her husband Commodus and never let an opportunity to remind him of this fact pass her by.

She never spoke with anyone less than a pure blood but relayed messages through her house elf, an arrogant beast called Kreacher who existed only to fulfill her every wish.

She never touched her children, never called them by their first names, seldom smiled at them. This built character she assured them; they would thank her for it in the end.

This is what else he knew: Mrs. Black loved Cousin Bellatrix. Somewhere in the back of his head was a memory of his mother kissing her on the forehead, gently, the way a mother should. Bellatrix had been a little girl then. He remembered looking up at his mother hopefully but not making a sound. Other than that he had few memories of Cousin Bellatrix. She had been away at Hogwarts and then in France for quite some time. He knew her sister Andromeda well and found her easy to talk to and lively. The youngest, Narcissa, had an arrogant air he found displeasing. He avoided her when he could. His mother had never shown affection to or even interest in the other two. It occurred to him as he watched his rather tall and beautiful cousin, that he was jealous.

Cousin Bellatrix was chattering and laughing. She had a high, pretty voice that seemed to have the power to enchant. She was telling some tale of her recent journey and letting Mrs. Black clasp her hands. Every once in a while her sharp dark eyes would flit away from her aunt's face and settle upon Sirius'. Was she mocking him? Proving she could hold his mother's attention when he could not? Laughing? When Mrs. Black motioned for her sons to draw near and introduced them, Bellatrix gave Regulus another thin-lipped smile and kissed him swiftly on the cheek. Then it was Sirius' turn. He did not fail to notice his brother's smirk when she offered him her hand instead of her cheek.

He took it. It was cold despite the warmth of the weather, nails bitten to the quick. She had a strong grip. When no one was looking Sirius drew his hand to his nose, searching for traces of her scent. It retained the scent of violets, though that might have been his imagination. The whole journey back to Grimmauld Place, they walked because Bellatrix wanted to stretch her legs after the long journey. Sirius pretended not listen to her chattering. He practiced transforming into Animagus form in his head that grew dull quickly; he had reviewed it so many times he felt he could do it in his sleep or standing on his head. He thought of every curse he had ever learned and recited them backwards in his head staring at his brother's back as he did. Bellatrix' was still smiling at him when he flashed her a quick look out of the corner of his eye. His mother never walked, she needed her cane because of some childhood injury, he thought to himself bitterly. She would never go out amongst the muggles. Regulus, who shared his mother's dislike of walking and muggles, was practically floating down the street. No doubt pretending to be entranced in whatever his Cousin was saying. Once upon a time they had been allies. Now all he wanted to do was be the perfect son.

Bellatrix had a way with people, especially men. Once she had unpacked, lunched and viewed the changes in the Black Mansion, she fluttered from wizard to wizard gracing them with her disconcerting grins. Even the dour and bookish Commodus was not immune and looked at his niece with an expression of grave interest. She showered him with praise for the work he had done on the house. The spell and incantations designed to keep muggles off that Sirius found unnecessary and vaguely embarrassing. She spoke of all she had learned in France. She spoke of her sisters' progress and of her parents: currently touring Russia where they hoped to purchase rare artifacts and literature, most importantly a full set of Rasputin's journals. She discussed the fashion in Paris with Mrs. Black, calling her 'Auntie Dear' and all the while she flashed cool, challenging grins at Sirius, the same sort Severus Snape favored him with back at Hogwarts. Why did he never feel this uneasy when it was Snape smiling at him?

He decided he was quite sure he detested her. Alone in his room he tried to explain this to Remus in a letter but the words wouldn't come out of his quill. He had chosen Remus because he knew the werewolf would understand, it was easy to tell him embarrassing or secret things, after all he himself had loads of practice. It wasn't always that easy with James no matter how he loved him, recently James had been very concerned with seeming grown up and aloof. Peter, he decided, wouldn't understand at all. Even worse, he might worry and that wouldn't do at all. The boy would have enough to worry about when school started. At last he resolved to watch his cousin closely and tell Remus about it when he saw him again. And so for the next few days he remained silent always in her shadow, determined to discover some fatal secret.

The animals, Sirius noticed at once, did not like Cousin Bellatrix. Sirius himself was quite fond of animals. He was vastly looking forward to the day Peter mastered the trick of transforming into his animal form so they could all go out together. Till now Sirius had managed it quite a few times but had agreed with James to wait till Peter could do it so he didn't feel bad. He was quite willing on occasion, to listen to Hagrid speak of 'interestin' creatures' provided he was safely out of reach of their teeth.

Bellatrix barely looked at animals and when she did it was with barely disguised, contempt. She confessed to accidentally stepping on Narcissa's puffskein, twice and admitted she had been more of a charms girl than a care of magical creatures one, even herbology was more worthwhile to her.

Commodus Black's three hunting hounds: Nero, Europa and Cassiopeia wouldn't even go near her. Their hackles rising and ears falling flat whenever she walked into a room. Europa, who had always been his favorite, had acquired a habit of turning rounds about him when ever Bellatrix was in the room before settling at his ankles with an expression that made it clear she had no intention of budging until his cousin left. It was Europa he found one day, alone in the living room, twitching in pain. When he told his father what he suspected he was severely reprimanded. It was unusual for Commodus to scold his children. Generally he was in the habit of sending for Mrs. Black to do whatever she saw fit. The fact that he bothered to lecture Sirius made him squirm with discomfort. His father looked old he thought randomly as the older wizard droned on. The next day he would journey back to Hogwarts.

That night before dinner he came across Bellatrix on her own. He had never been alone with her before. The idea of speaking to her without the presence of an adult pleased him. He had some half-formed notion of confronting her and opened his mouth to accuse her of harming his dog. He closed it again. Suddenly it seemed more important to just look at her. She wore green. It didn't suit her. Making her skin sallow, eyes too wide, hair too black. But against his will Sirius realized that he had already decided she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Dangerous but beautiful.

"So cousin, all grown up. Older than your years? Or is it just your serious expression and dark brows?" She taunted, holding onto the sleeves of his robe and pulling gently, eyes sparkling with mirth.

Sirius, unsure of what to answer, shrugged. She laughed at this and told him the gesture was juvenile.

"Quite promising I think." She went on. "Another few years and the girls will be scratching their eyes out over you. And clever as well I've heard."

His emotions danced between revulsion and joy. It felt as if his nerves were on fire.

There was a pause as she studied his face. He was holding his breath; it all at once became clear when he felt his lungs protest. Bellatrix let him wait a moment longer and then she continued.

"What a pity you're too young."


	2. Chapter 2

Continuation! Review!! I love reviews.

**2. Reaching for the stars**

Sirius spent his first few weeks back at Hogwarts convincing himself he had imagined it all: Europa in pain; leaving a dark damp stain of sweat on the silk carpet. Bellatrix and her mocking grin. Regulus' leer at the train station. His mother's tender expression. The first few days he kept starting to tell Remus drawing his friend aside only to turn the whole thing into a joke. Once he'd thought about telling James. "Hey Jamie, you got a minute?" Force of habit and nerves led him to call his best friend by his first year pet name. That was as far as the conversation got. James was full of plans and dizzying lust for life and Sirius was determined to keep up with him, slowing down only to drag Remus and Peter along.

Soon homework and mischief proved distracting enough and Bellatrix' face began to dim in his mind.

By the time of the first snow and last Hogsmeade weekend of the term Sirius was in high spirits. James had developed a crush on Lily Evans, a pretty red head with startling green eyes. The other Marauders made sure to tease him about it every second they got. They had finally convinced Peter to go on a diet and the poor boy spent the rest of the days till the Christmas holidays gazing longingly at the sugary decorations in the great hall. Their monthly escapades had all gone smoothly except that close call when they were nearly seen by Hagrid and Filch on their rounds on the night before Halloween. It had been one of Peter's plans actually, hanging shrieking candies from Honeydukes from the bushes to frighten all those foolish enough to meet there after the Halloween feast to snog. The sound of the candies, activated when shaken, was bad enough to scare even the most ardent of lovers out of hiding. The plan failed. Peter insisted Hagrid must have found them and had them for a late night snack. Nothing scared Hagrid.

Remus and James had begun work on the Marauder's Map. Their greatest work to date: a complete map of Hogwarts that showed the name and location of everyone in the school to the witch or wizard with the magic words. That should help them steer clear of Hagrid and Filch.

Sirius had been in detention no less than 11 times, 7 alone for hexing that prat, Severus Snape. Things had never been better. Bellatrix was just a vague idea less real then the figures in his history book.

Then in the last few days before he returned to Grimmauld Place, Sirius became convinced he had to see her again to assure himself he hadn't imagined her entirely. All at once he recalled certain details that had escaped him all term. The inflection of her voice. The way she had flicked invisible lint off of the front of her robes. The fierce glow in her eyes that reminded him somewhat, to his shame, of the patients he had seen during their class visit to St. Mungo's with Defense Against the Dark Arts. It was as if a switch had been flicked on inside his head. He waited feverishly for Christmas Eve and for the first time since he could remember it wasn't because of the Christmas gifts.

The House of Black was filled with people that Christmas. It was one of the last big family gatherings at Grimmauld Place before the death of Commodus Black caused the place to fall into disuse. Mrs. Black had spared nothing on the decorations. The ceilings were littered with millions of stars, holly ringed the windows, and icicles that never melted glistened sullenly from every corner.

As was the Black family tradition a tremendous feast was held in the banqueting hall, which was generally locked and shrouded in darkness for the rest of the year. There were rooms full of family members Sirius had never seen before in his life: ladies in spectacular old fashioned paneled gowns, wizards in robes of silver and gold, dwarves swallowing fire and walking on their hands. A curious and often terrifying assortment of house pets, house elves serving roasted chestnuts and hot apple cider and one cousin with bronzed hair and orange billowing robes whose yellow gaze followed him as he moved about the room. No sign of the cousin he was looking for. A few more rounds through the ground floor nimbly avoiding his mother and her pet elf, letting himself be cooed over by elderly relatives who handed him sweets or sickles and told him that they remembered when he was "just so high."

At last he found Bellatrix deep in conversation with Lucius Malfoy, a distant relation. Malfoy was perhaps a few years older than Bellatrix with long blond hair, which he kept in a long plait down his back. He wore black, intricately embroidered with scarlet. He cut a fine figure, his back impossibly straight, every move practiced, every expression controlled. Sirius found this studied elegance both repellant and fascinating. Malfoy took note of Sirius by inclining his head slightly, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Ah, the promising young Master Black." Lucius drawled.

"You've mistaken me for my brother Regulus. There he is by the fireplace making small talk with that ogre Prince." Sirius motioned vaguely across the room where an uncomfortably tall man with hunched shoulders, clothed in black towered over a reed thin Regulus.

"As you grow older my older my young Master Black, you may find there are things more important than physical beauty."

Malfoy gave Sirius a slow meaningful gaze that swept from his toes to his thick and glossy dark hair of which he was admittedly rather proud. Rich coming from him, Sirius thought sourly, all Malfoys were vain.

"Of course if that's all you have…" he continued, "not all of us are lucky enough to be graced with beauty and wit. Like our dear Bella."

Bellatrix laughed, it was a bell-like sound. Then turned a sympathetic glance toward her cousin.

"Don't listen to him Dogstar. He's incorrigible. I can't stand that Prince man either, cousin, that _schoolteacher. _Prince,indeed. He doesn't have a royal bone in his body." She gestured towards Prince with one thin hand, without wasting a second thought on propriety. " Trying to climb to the top of society while fawning and licking the boots of his betters." She sneered.

"You are an elitist Bella." Lucius brushed her cheek familiarly with his thumb. "What will it matter what he started out as? His blood is pure and his grandson Severus is top of his class at Hogwarts." Lucius said, eyes suddenly fixed on Sirius' face, waiting like a snake for a response.

"The lick-arse." Sirius muttered under his breath.

"Is he in your house, cousin?" Bellatrix asked.

"He's Slytherin."

"Well, he has an excellent future before him."

Sirius scowled. What a fine evening this was turning into. Conversations about Snivellus and Lucius Malfoy taking up all of his cousin's time.

And then all at once Bellatrix drew him into a short tight embrace.

"Oh, cousin!" She exclaimed. "Why so serious? It's Christmas not the O.W.L.S."

He just caught the expression on Malfoy's face as he disentangled himself.

" You must excuse me." Malfoy gave Sirius his hand. "I should pay my respects to the lady of the house."

Sirius looked down at the gloved hand of the older man and had no choice but to shake it.

He was still paralyzed in shock when he saw Malfoy bend slightly to kiss Bellatrix. The kiss landed on the side of her mouth and caused her eyes to sparkle. A jealous flush crept unbidden to his cheeks.

"What did he want?" Sirius snapped when Malfoy had sauntered out of range.

"Come now my Dogstar. Don't be like that. It's just business between Lucius and I. But this is neither the time or place to talk business."

Her dark eyes were filled with mirth. She wore a dark color, perhaps even black but Sirius to this day remembers her surrounded by light clothed in white or pale blue.

"So can my little cousin dance?"

He could.

When it was over, she leaned over towards him. Sirius had grown considerably over the past year, he had grown taller than James and Remus, much taller than slender Regulus or the tubby Peter Pettigrew but Bellatrix was a tall woman. She kissed him on the mouth and straightened in one fluid motion, smiling at him as if nothing had happened.

Then she was gone and Sirius couldn't help but wonder if he had imagined the whole thing. All through the Christmas feast Sirius kept feeling her lips on his, the warmth of her breath, and her arms around him. And every time he recalled the kiss he embellished it. It had been a swift kiss, almost sisterly, nothing that even suggested indecency. In Sirius' imagination she had slipped her tongue into his mouth; she had held the back of his head cradled in her slender hand. He couldn't remember ever having such thoughts before and half wondered if she had bewitched him. Now that she had left him to take her place at the dinner table he felt like he had once as a child when he had been out in the garden with Regulus watching shooting stars. They had stood in the grass, arms outstretched, trying to catch them. Suddenly it had occurred to him how far away they were, how small and insignificant he was: a lone boy, reaching for the stars.

Shaking the memory away with force he noticed his brother watching him with interest. Could it be he could read his mind? All at once Sirius remembered how close they had been before the Sorting Hat had placed him in Gryffindor. Regulus' thirst for knowledge, always strong finally turned him away from most of his childish attachments and when he himself was sorted into Slytherin, he found an outlet for his feverish studying. But surely there most be some emotion left? Surely ties of blood bound them? For one brief second he longed to tell Regulus, to say what he felt out loud and hear his brother's advice. Sirius twitched uncomfortably in his seat trying to hold his brother's attention. It was the smirk on Regulus' face that finally made him change his mind. There is nothing human left in him, Sirius thought; he's just books and learning. He forced himself to look at his father who stood on unsteady legs about to make his Christmas Eve speech.

During the speech Sirius concentrated on Bellatrix, willing her to look at him, to give him a sign the kiss had meant something.

"Toujours Pur, forever pure, forever joined in one cause. Today however we come together not to further our cause but to celebrate a union."

Commodus Black paused to sip from his goblet.

Bellatrix was bent toward Lucius Malfoy, who sat at her right, letting him whisper in her ear.

Look at me. Sirius muttered under his breath. This only managed to gain his brother's attention once again. He drummed his fingers on the dining room table unconsciously, a habit he had picked up from Remus. Why wouldn't she look at him?

"The union of my dear niece Bellatrix…"

Sirius drew in his breath. Bellatrix. Her name pounded in his ears. Surely he had imagined it. His father hadn't just said her name. Union meant marriage. Marriage meant husband. Cousin Bellatrix was engaged. If his father didn't continue, Sirius thought, his heart would stop. To whom? He flicked a glace around the table. Who was eligible? All these nameless wizards he'd never bothered with. Who of these young men? A straight backed figure to her right, fair haired and smiling. Not Malfoy. Surely not. The seconds felt like years.

"…and Rodolphus Lestrange, a wizard of impeccable breeding and magical capability. May their marriage be a successful one."

Lestrange? Sirius mind was a perfect blank. All a dream after all? Would he awaken laughing? Who was this Lestrange? He looked at his cousin. No need to hide it anymore the whole room was staring. At this moment no one would even notice silly Sirius Black.

The stocky wizard to Bellatrix' left took her hand in his and kissed it. Her eyes were lowered in modesty or perhaps pleasure. She seemed full of light her entire face positively glowed. And just when Sirius thought he couldn't take it anymore she looked at him. Her dark eyes sparkled unnaturally, her lips twitched in mirth or triumph, or both. Laughing? Laughing at him?

The rest of the trip passed so quickly he had to pinch himself to know if it was real. He talked with James through their two-way mirrors. Mostly about Quidditch or Lily. He wrote letters to Remus with funny little illustrations of his mother and Regulus. He forced himself not to think of Bellatrix. On New Years Eve he let himself watch her for 15 minutes. She wore purple robes and danced elegantly with her new fiancé. She seemed once again to be daring him to catch her eye. He caught her smiling at him when he went to kiss her sister Narcissa at midnight. Narcissa it turned out was engaged to Malfoy. Sirius observed her skeptically. She was two years ahead of him at Hogwarts. A tall girl with thick waist length hair the color of honey. She had a beautiful smile and straight white teeth but her arrogance and her connection to Malfoy and Bellatrix made her repellant to Sirius. He made it a point not to talk to her at dinner though he had been moderately friendly with her at previous family meetings and on nodding terms with her at school. When he managed to sneak away he chatted with James via their two-way mirror. He listed the treats they had feasted on and that he was allowed two glasses of champagne rather than the regular single glass. He masked his uncomfortable mood as best he could, doing little impromptu characterizations of the more vivid guests, delighting in James' laughter. He told James of Nacissa's engagement to Malfoy. Sirius knew James admired his youngest cousin's beauty but thought her arrogant. When James expressed shock at the news he told him little embellished sordid stories about her, full aware James would tell others at Hogwarts and her reputation would be blackened. So what if her robes weren't quite so low cut? So what if she hadn't danced with every wizard there? He didn't care if people thought she was a slut. Who was she to him anyway? Anyone Bellatrix showed affection to must be evil.

Shortly before he and Regulus were to return to school, Bellatrix cornered him in the library. Under a painting with a plaque bearing the name Phineas Nigelus she took his wrist in a firm, cool grip.

"I hadn't thought you so childish cousin. My mistake."

She seemed almost sad. Part of him longed to apologize to her. A Black never apologizes.

"So go. Get married. See if I care."

Her pupils expanded ferociously. They were huge and pitch black; they swallowed the whites in her eyes. Sirius felt like he was drowning in them. It felt, though he didn't realize it at the time, the way it feels when a Dementor is leaning towards you, hood down.

"You care." She whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

Hope people are still reading this. Carrying on anyway. Enjoy. criticise.

3. Frogs legs and Friendship

Sirius never quite recovered from the Christmas holidays. Weeks after his return to Hogwarts he remained listless, his famous appetite dwindled and he became quite pale, his complexion rivaling even Remus'. He did his homework, played tricks on Severus Snape and joined on monthly Marauder adventures but all with a reserve quite unlike himself. He told James he had fallen in love with Clementine Morris from Ravenclaw and managed to avoid more uncomfortable questions. The only bad thing about this was that Clementine herself had gotten wind of the rumor and favored him with secret smiles and perfumed notes. One day she caught him on the stair and pressed her lips to his cheek. She smelled of cherries and her touch was soft and cool. It was not all together unpleasant but all Sirius could think of was the way it had felt to hold his cousin in his arms as they danced. The result of that one brief kiss however was a surge in Sirius' popularity. He and James were the kings of the school with their own little fan club- all the prettiest girls, save Lily Evans- who still despised James, already planning their wedding robes and naming their children.

News came frequently from London, his father, never the healthiest of men had fallen ill and Mrs. Black wrote daily imploring him to visit for the Easter holidays if not sooner. A feeling of profound annoyance he had never felt before came over him. He avoided Regulus in the halls, even stooping so low as to shoot a few low grade hexes his brother's way if he felt it necessary. Narcissa stayed away from him, she had already acquired that sneer she would wear for the majority of her adult life.

He began stuffing the letters from home under his bed and ignoring the howlers as best he could. So when the owl came bearing the letter bound in a length of violet velvet ribbon he was reluctant to open it at first. At last curiosity overwhelmed him. It was neither the family bird nor his mother's writing on the envelope. He tore open a corner then slit the envelope open and freed the smooth sheet.

Cousin, the note began. He noticed at once that it was written in Bellatrix'curving script not Andromeda's neat rounded little letters or Narcissa's childish scrawl. That was all he managed before James ripped the missive from his hand.

"Who's this from Padfoot? That little bit of stuff in Ravenclaw?"

"Give it here!"

A kind of blind panic came over Sirius and his limbs moved of their own accord. He pulled his wand from his pocket. "Accio."

He slammed into James, pushing the slender boy aside, and sprinted towards the dormitory. As he sat down on his bed fought to control the desperate trembling that wracked his body. He read the letter so fast the words seemed to blur before his eyes. She wanted to see him. Saturday. Alone.

His heart beat so he felt it might explode. He awoke in the middle of the night to see James' head floating before him. Damned invisibility cloak.

"What is it?"

"Sirius." James whispered. His name sounded so foreign on the other boy's lips, like speaking a spell without understanding its application; words without meaning.

There was a rustle as James reached for his hand.

"I didn't mean to pry." He continued. His voice shook slightly.

"Doesn't matter."

But it did. He pressed James hand and waited for the familiar feeling of belonging, of friendship to wash over him. James was his friend, his best friend. Nothing had ever come between them before. Not even James' new obsession for Lily Evans.

But now this.

"Go back to sleep James. I'm not angry."

The truth was he was furious. But not at James. He was angry at the sudden sure-fire realization that he could never tell his friend about Bellatrix. He might one day tell Moony- Moony was good at secrets, especially horrible dark secrets, but he would never be able to tell James. James was everything good. Even at his best he could never hope understand the Black family, that Sirius despised their ways and was ashamed of them, even of Bellatrix, for the rigid traditions and codex, but that he loved them all the same.

Before he slid into sleep, a strange thought of his mother's family tree tapestry entered unbidden into his mind. Its branches, seeming to spread out against the ceiling of the room, all the names in fine print, names after names, choking and numbing him and blocking out every other feeling.

In the morning he had to face the problem of getting rid of his friends on Saturday in Hogsmeade. Easy enough to tell them he was going there with a girl but what if they asked questions or met Clementine alone. They might ask him who this new girl was. What she looked like? What year she was in? In the end he decided to tell them he was shopping for James' Birthday present. Relations with Remus had been strained of late, so he didn't have to give him an excuse he just had to let him know he wanted to be alone. Sirius had always felt a special connection to the werewolf. They had both had a difficult time as children not having known the easy relationship James shared with his parents.

Although his best friend was officially James there was an unspoken understanding between Padfoot and Moony, mayhap because they were both canines in their other form.

Peter, never as popular as Sirius or James had latched on firmly to Remus, following him around most of the time, though it was James he truly admired.

It was easier to follow Remus then it was to admire James who sometimes seemed to be in a different league all together. Peter needed no excuse at all, he was a bit afraid of Sirius who could at once be playful and caring and painfully honest to the point of cruelty. Traits typical to the Black family, typical to cousin Bellatrix but not traits he recognized in himself.

He found the little place after 45 minutes of fruitless wandering. A quaint bistro with tables on the sidewalk. In his last year at Hogwarts it will have been sold to a romantic old bat called Puddifoot. He would go there on a date with a sixth year Hufflepuff with long brown hair, who wouldn't let him kiss her. But for now it was the Bistro Francais and there by one of the sidewalk tables, her face shaded from the sunlight with a large blue and red umbrella was Bellatrix Black. Sirius felt an urge to run over to her and throw his arms about her. Controlling this compulsion he observed her for a few minutes from a far.

She sat with her nose in a book, her slender fingers ringed in silver but for the large glittering engagement ring, which clashed with its mates. Her hair was drawn back clumsily, her robes were simple and when he glanced down at her feet he caught a glimpse of slender ankle. She seemed very pale and slight in broad daylight though he knew her to be taller in than himself and possessed of a dramatic coloring at times. She looked up suddenly and stared right at him, her impossibly red lips twisting into a triumphant smile.

"Dogstar!" She exclaimed causing him to turn in embarrassment. Afraid, irrationally, to be accosted by James, Remus or Peter. He took the seat opposite her and let her clasp his hands. They talked for a while aimlessly of grades and pranks and wedding preparations. Against his will Sirius felt himself warming to her again. He had promised himself to seem cautious, to be formal. After all he had grown in the past few months, he was no longer so innocent. A girl had kissed him. But too soon he found her effect on him was tantalizing as usual. Then her voice dropped. Sirius felt his heart plummet to follow its example.

"I don't know if I can do this." She whispered.

A whole world exploded in his mind. Afternoons in Hogsmeade or London holding hands. The reddish glint in her hair in the yellow afternoon sun. The heavy meaningful feeling of her eyes on his face. Her lips on his cheek and then his forehead and then his mouth, on his neck. Stop this. Only a daydream.

She was going on about Andromeda. About the family. He hadn't even heard a word.

"But you understand cousin, I know you do."

He didn't know what she was talking about but he felt himself nod. When she smiled at him it felt like his head was filled with the heavy perfumed smoke his mother

preferred. His limbs felt heavy too. They jerked this way and that as he tried to get comfortable in his seat.

A serving witch handed them the menus bound in red satin. Sirius scanned it nonchalantly, it was written entirely in French. He looked up at Bellatrix who had already put her menu aside. She ordered red wine and frog's legs. He made a face at that thinking of Peter's pet toad back at Hogwarts who had taken a liking to him during first year and often slept in his bag. Sirius considered ordering wine as well but then decided on a lemon soda instead. He picked the shortest name on the menu, hoping it was something good to eat. Escargots. They were snails. He prodded the impressive shells with a three tined fork and tried not to think of the oozing orange specimens at the Magical Menagerie. As it was he barely tasted them except to remark on their buttery garlic sauce.

Afterwards Bellatrix ordered coffee and cake. Sirius would have preferred tea but it seemed rude to mention this and made a pleased face when the tiny cup of espresso was placed before him. Dessert was soaked in rum. A frisson of delight ran through him at the thought that Bellatrix might regard him as old enough to enjoy alcohol. He had never tasted coffee before. It was bitter and he try though he might he couldn't stop his nose from wrinkling as he forced himself to swallow.

Bellatrix had ordered cognac and swirled the amber liquid in its glass, pausing to admire it as she worded her next sentence.

What she told him next surprised him to the core. She spoke at length of Rodolphus and his brother Rabastan; Rabastan's fear she was taking him away from is beloved brother. She was discovering love and marriage was not as simple as her mother had always told her. There were problems she hadn't considered upon accepting the proposal. Setting up a household on ones own. Children. Bellatrix shuddered when she said this word. Leaving her sisters behind forever. Rodolphus' fascination with all things dark and hate of all things muggle, which piqued her interest but frightened her all the same.

In France she'd worn muggle fashion, listened to muggle records and smoked muggle cigarettes, Rodolphus thought these the hobbies of the young, a youthful rebellion against her pureblood mother, as his wife she was to set these aside and keep company solely with purebloods. Was this the right decision? Who was she to judge? Grindelwald had persecuted the Blacks during his mad crusade to breed a race of perfect wizards, not by marrying pure blood to pure blood but by forcing wizards to mix with muggles of certain genealogy. Grindelwald's 10-year reign of fear lost the Blacks a large part of their fortune and many of their members. They fared relatively well. Some pureblood families were wiped out entirely others forced into hiding until Grindelwald's alliance with the muggle dictator Hitler finally sealed his doom. The Blacks had joined the resistance a year before the war ended. This had gained Grandpa Regulus an Order of Merlin first class and had caused him to instill a detestation of all things muggle into the next generation of Blacks. Sirius mother and father and Bellatrix' mother Elladora, having spent a part of their childhood in a labor camp, were particularly thorough in their hate of mudbloods. In forbidding her to show an interest in muggles and their products was he simply following the path of her family, a path she didn't completely disagree with herself.

Sirius head spun. Flattered as he was at her trust, his cousin seemed to have forgotten he was but 14. He struggled with the new information. It showed him a side of his family he was unprepared to deal with. A side he still refuses to deal with even now in Azkaban.

She leaned close.

"Or haven't you learned about all that in History of Magic yet?"

Sirius ate his dessert in silence, mashing the rum soaked cake with his fork. Bellatrix finished off her drink with a twist of her wrist.

"I don't know if I can marry him."

This sentence seemed to sum up her entire speech. Her teeth flashed as she smiled but her eyes were serious. "He'll bind me to him with all those silly rules of matrimony. I only agreed when he was like before the engagement. Understanding, full of admiration, ready to listen to my thoughts and feelings."

Sirius wanted to tell her to just run away. Get a little flat off Diagon alley and visit him on weekends but he found it impossible to speak. It was also impossible to look away from her as if some unseen thread bound his vision to her lovely face.

"Perhaps I should just run away."

Sirius couldn't breathe.

"Why cousin, what a face you're making!" She exclaimed.

She took his hands in hers and squeezed. Even alone in his bed that night he could still feel the pressure of her fingers around his, hurting or caressing, he couldn't decide.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok this is it. I hope you enjoyed it. It was fun writing it. Review! Thanks to Constantine for beta-ing and suffering ;)

**4. Of Love and Other Unforgivable Curses**

_In the whirlwind months that passed Sirius never once stopped to think and consider, never stepped back to watch himself and his friends, to enjoy. If he had known then what he knows now, in his damp cell in Azkaban, he would have held on fast to every feeling, he would have imprinted each moment onto his brain like motion caught in a wizarding photograph. Or else he would have done everything in his might to choose a different path so that no memory of what happened might haunt him as he slowly rots, cursing his past mistakes as a man does who has nothing else left but his curses. _

_But Sirius, being young, lived every day for the next three months as the young do: carelessly, feverishly, hungering for more, for better, for the bigger, greater picture. _

After the first tentative meeting in Hogsmeade he fell head first into a friendship with his cousin that in some ways stopped short of and in others surpassed what he had with the Marauders. They exchanged witty, heartfelt letters. He told her of his adventures, pranks played on Severus Snape and things he planned to do when he was finished with school. (I'm going to buy myself a motorbike!) She wrote of the preparations for her marriage, tricks she had played on Andromeda and Narcissa and where she would go if she could go anywhere at all without the binds of honour and tradition. They never wrote about the things really bothering them: the fear his friendship with the Marauders, in many ways his true family, would fade once they left Hogwarts and that he sometimes distanced himself from them on purpose because of that; the fear that she would lose a measure of her freedom after the wedding, a measure of her sense of self.

There was that one eventful afternoon in Hogsmeade when they sat in the sun eating ice cream and talking about everything in the world from music to coveted secrets. (Remus was ill; James and Peter had elected to keep him company provided Sirius bring back sweets and jokes.)

_Now in Azkaban Sirius remembers how grown up he had felt sitting with her. At the same time for the first time ever he felt he could be close enough to her to be truly childish as he was with James, Remus and Peter. The kernel of guilt at that thought __had marred the afternoon slightly and grown larger, pearl-like, in the weeks that followed._

In the middle of joking with James he would suddenly remember Bellatrix' laughter the mirth that spread to her eyes and covered her face with such an expression of joy that Sirius couldn't help joining in.

When he sat in the library quietly conversing with Remus he would think of how it felt to be beside his cousin on a sunlit bench her parasol between their legs her dark head pressed against his so that she might whisper into his ear. "Experimental Charms."

"No way!" He had looked into her face for signs that she was mocking him but found none.

"I've always liked charms. I don't think there's anything funny about it Cousin!" She had knocked his knees with her own as Sirius, struggling not to laugh, turned a shade of deep purple.

"It's what I've always wanted to do. Make up new charms." There was a dreamy quality to her voice.

"Maybe I'll still do it after I'm married."

The silence after that sentence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Then all at once Sirius burst into gales of laughter with the violence of a balloon exploding.

"You stop that Dogstar or I'll hex you into oblivion!" She had shrieked. But she didn't draw her wand. Instead she shifted in her seat and tickled his ribs till he could only gasp for mercy.

High up in the stands with Peter watching James play Quidditch and munching on sweets he first tried a little trick Bellatrix had taught him for revealing the flavours of the famous Bertie Bott's beans. Peter learned the spell quickly for once and they spent the rest of the game chucking the discarded beans at Severus Snape's head.

He saw her a few times on the Hogwarts grounds in secret. Sirius was used to sneaking around and wasn't exactly nervous but he was shocked at the almost brazen way she strutted around after hours as if the place belonged to her. Once he even dared to express admiration. Bellatrix had laughed, the bell-like sound, amplified, rang out over the quidditch field. "This is what one learns in Slytherin, Dogstar. You Gryffindors think you're being brave snitching food from the kitchens?"

It took him the rest of the night to get rid of his blush and he thanked his lucky stars it was too dark for her to see it.

One rainy evening under the Quidditch stands he almost kissed her.

_Sirius has the sense of smell of a dog, through the musty scent of Azkaban. The scent that seeps through stone and cloth, through the skin__, until you feel it is the last thing you will ever smell again. Through the damp he catches a whiff of rain on the Quidditch field. He tries desperately to imagine the individual blades of grass between his fingers, the tangy smell of the wood used to build the Quidditch stands, the faint spicy scent of her perfume and the damp scent of her hair. _

Bellatrix had conjured a picnic blanket out of thin air and removed her shoes, dark blue, high heeled, suede dancing shoes of Muggle design. Sirius felt himself go hot and cold. He had seen girl's feet before but not feet like his cousin's. They were thin with soles of palest pink. The toes were long and beautifully shaped and each toenail lacquered violet. He could do nothing but stare.

"Yes, girls have toes too." She laughed, wiggling them so that the lacquer changed magically from blue to green to yellow to orange to red and back again.

"This is my favourite spot you know." Sirius said yet again randomly pulling on the laces of his trainers, something he had seen Peter do a million times.

"Shh." She placed a finger to his lips. They sat there in silence then, the hammering of the rain outside seemed like the only sound in the world.

He almost kissed her then. Or at least he was going to, or was thinking about it till the glint in her eye as he leaned towards her made him pause and reconsider. He had ducked his head down, in a sitting position it became obvious that he was taller than his beautiful cousin, and angled his head towards her. He had wondered briefly what she would taste like, blackberries or marzipan, honey or port. If she would laugh at him or maybe even be angry, after all she was an engaged woman. That was when he had seen the triumph glitter in those black eyes. The expression on her face struck him to the bone. It was a feeling not unlike that moment of realisation hours into a game of wizarding chess when it became obvious that Remus would beat him yet again despite all his efforts.

Things seemed to cool down for a couple of weeks after that. At an after-quidditch party Sirius kissed Clementine's friend Jane and Gryffindor was catapulted into turmoil. Sirius, who hadn't noticed Jane before that evening, had a hard time explaining himself and threatened to jinx James and Remus into next month if they continued making kissing faces at him. Peter hung on his arm begging for details instead. To distract himself from the rather annoying attentions of the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw girls, he learned new curses with James and practiced them on Snivellus and other losers like him. They had quite a collection by now and managed to glean a few rare smiles from disapproving Remus. The next days were a blur, quite literally. Someone in Slytherin, rumours pointed to Snape, had discovered a charm to up the alcohol content in Butterbeer and James had been the first to learn it. Sirius didn't like the aftertaste it left but drank it anyway afraid of being laughed at. Peter knocked his back as if he was an old hand and Remus refused to taste it. He claimed the alcohol might react unpleasantly with his 'furry little problem', as James called it.

Then the letters started again. She sent him at least four a week, all light hearted and full of funny stories about everything and nothing. Nothing about home, nothing about the wedding. All embarrassment seemed to be forgotten; their friendship seemed to be intact. He walked around more muddled then alcoholic Butterbeer could cause and ignored Clementine and Jane in the halls, he even forgot to curse Snape and Regulus. Snape seemed indifferent and stayed out of Sirius' way rather than following and taunting him as he usually did, almost as if he had something bigger planned. Clementine and Jane seemed to have something bigger planned as well, they never looked at him anymore instead put their heads together and whispered every time he passed. It was Regulus who sought him out in the end. He brought him the invitation to Bellatrix' wedding. It was to Regulus'credit that he didn't smirk when he passed on the golden parchment. Sirius felt his heart plummet to his stomach. He had been hoping against hope that she would cancel the wedding. He berated himself silently for believing she would change her plans for the sake of an underage wizard. The disappointment was so vast he nearly told Remus about it but his friend was busy with his moon sickness and he decided not to trouble him.

Exams came and went and now the days slid by seamlessly. They all made vows to keep in touch over the summer. James had succeeded in learning Lily's address and was determined to win her through heartfelt letters. Snape revealed his new curse with a flourish, pinning Peter to the air upside down by his ankle. Sirius decided he was probably trying to hit James but missed and got hapless Peter instead. This caused Sirius and James to break out in whoops of laughter as Remus desperately tried to get the smaller boy down, Peter squeaking like a rat in the background. In London they decided against hexing Regulus one last time. Mrs. Black wasn't present but one vaguely familiar aunt and jovial Uncle Alphard were. Remus was collected by his tall thin father and pale mother. Laughing Mr. and Mrs. Potter who embraced all the boys warmly were there for James. Peter was going with the Blacks. Sirius and Regulus had been encouraged to invite their friends; Bellatrix had added a little note to the bottom of the invitation. James begged off on account of his expensive Quidditch camp starting half a week before the wedding. Remus had a summer job in a muggle shop, it began a day afterwards but Sirius secretly suspected he was afraid some of the darker Blacks might recognize him for what he was. That left Peter. Regulus' friends were arriving a day or two before the ceremony. Though he felt he was too cool to ask, Sirius fervently hoped Snivellus wasn't one of them.

The House of Black was in a state of distinct upheaval. It seemed to Sirius the family was preparing for a war rather than a wedding. Servants Sirius had never seen before bustled to and fro, polishing silver, airing out bedding and beating carpets. House elves obviously borrowed from other branches of the family tended to the garden and cleaned the house till it sparkled. Of his cousin, Sirius saw little. She spent most of the time making last minute preparations and sitting closeted with Mrs. Black in her sitting room. The only thing that made Sirius feel better was the fact that Rodolphus came by nearly every day only to be patted on the back and given some excuse why Bellatrix was unable to see him. Sirius gloated but secretly felt sorry for the wizard. Peter was more open about it. Upon arriving at Grimmauld Place he promptly told Sirius that his cousin was beautiful but arrogant to the bone and frankly scared him. Sirius was wont to agree but had said rather unkindly that everything scared Peter. The smaller plumper boy seemed to sense something was amiss with his friend and spent everyday devising some distraction for him. They played Quidditch with new and improved rules they had invented themselves (as neither Sirius nor Peter nor Regulus were any good at the game), they terrorised Kreacher, they lurked in the halls tripping other unsuspecting house elves who were not allowed to scold them for it. One day Peter announced he was going to read from his new poem "Ode to Snivellus washing his hair" a hilarious account of the time James tried a scouring charm on Snape's head in the middle of History of magic. Sirius was surprised to find his generally rather slow friend was a natural talent.

Bellatrix' mother and father: Aunt Elladora and Uncle Algol arrived with much pomp and excess, preceded by a little troop of house elves and a magical menagerie they intended to give their daughter on her wedding day. Peter marvelled at the crup puppies, forked tails still intact: terrier-like dogs used for guarding against muggles. Despite their cuddly appearance they gave Sirius the shivers just looking at them. The two fwoopers, imported from Africa, bright pink and lime green, charmed silent because of their sanity- threatening song, the basket of kneazle kittens and the enormous cage of live fairies. Uncle Algol himself carried a small glass box containing butterflies of every shade and size. And like a dazzling bird of paradise Bellatrix, clad in her new red robes pushed passed the rabble and threw herself in a rather unladylike fashion into her father's arms. When Algol set the box on the ground so as not to injure his daughter with its sharp edges it occurred to Sirius that his cousin hadn't been overjoyed to see her father at all. She was simply happy to receive the creatures she planned on using to finish her coiffure and thus perfect her wedding costume. She seemed amazed at them, tapping on the glass and looking up at her mother and father with such an expression of juvenile contentment that Sirius barely recognised her.

Soon after that family members from all around the world began arriving. Sirius tried with increasing desperation to speak with his cousin alone but failed time and again. He found himself wondering once again if she ever really existed. Regulus' friends arrived two days before the wedding. A tall skinny boy called Nott, Sirius recognised at once as one of Regulus' reading circle and amazingly, a pretty girl named Roswitha Wilkes whom James had once danced with at an inter-house event and pronounced "quite decent". Snape had mercifully been left out as Mrs. Black felt his parentage was too uncertain. The house took on the quality of a bazaar as friends and family filed in, this time including many of Rodolphus' relatives from France. Sirius had a few nice chats with Andromeda who was finishing up her foreign exchange in Venice and would be returning to Hogwarts in the fall. In an attempt to distract himself from Bellatrix' new coldness he resolved to learn the names of all the cousins from the newborns to palsied old Cousin Ruchbah. He gained a new fan in Cousin Lyra. An adorable little three year old girl with dark eyes and ears that stuck out just a little too much, who followed Sirius wherever he went calling him 'Doggie'.

The morning of the wedding there was a huge breakfast banquet at Grimmauld place. Sirius watched as Peter's eyes grew rounder and rounder at the sight of course after course magically appearing on the table. As his friend gorged himself on eggs, sausages and cakes oblivious of Sirius' reminder that the actual wedding feast was but hours away complete with a seven tiered wedding cake each level a different flavour. Bellatrix wasn't present at breakfast, claiming she needed time to make herself look decent. Andromeda, to his left kept describing the wedding gown to her sister Narcissa, sitting poker straight with a look on her face that implied she wasn't really interested. Sirius could tell she was though.

After breakfast Peter retired to his room to try to cure his belly ache and Sirius decided to track down his cousin before it was too late. He found her in her room sitting in front of an enormous gilded mirror which was exclaiming upon her beauty loudly. She was arranging the colourful butterflies in her hair. On a stand by the mirror hung the long glittering veil, fine as sea foam.

"Cousin!" She said, her face lighting up like a sunrise. "Just the man I wanted to see."

His heart was beating as fast as butterflies' wings. This was his last chance, his only chance.

"Funny, that," He said "You've been ignoring me for days." He sounded like a petulant child. She had done something different with her eyelashes and they shimmered somewhat. Purple or blue. Her lips seemed subtly fuller than usual.

"Come now Cousin. I've been busy and your little friend is here. You're still my favorite cousin in the world." Her nails were diamond shaped and lacquered translucent and shimmering. The sleeves of her wedding dress peeked out from underneath the brocade dressing gown.

"I've…" Sirius began his throat suddenly dry. He wished he'd thought to drink the last gulp of pumpkin juice in his goblet during breakfast. "I've come to ask you to leave now."

"Leave?" She laughed then. A thin watered down version of her normal bell-like laugh. "Leave, Dogstar? This is where I belong. This is my decision." Another burst of laughter, higher now, almost a shriek. "What did you think? That I'd go with you?"

Sirius felt himself flush. "No. Yes. You aren't happy here."

"Happiness? What of it? Enough of that now Cousin, I can't leave now and neither can you. I have something far more important to talk to you about. For years now we've been working towards it. And now we're on the verge of a break through." Her eyes gleamed unhealthily. He'd seen that gleam before. Severus Snape as he bent over his defense against the dark arts book.

"Break through? The verge? What are you talking about?" His voice sounded strained.

"The Mudbloods, Cousin. The unhealthy mixing of the bloods. The fact that they are taking over everything! You know what's next? They'll force us to give up our fortunes and homes; they'll give them to Muggles and their progeny. This talk of dark arts? What is dark Dogstar? Why won't they let us practice our magic as we have for centuries? Who decides what is good and bad ? We are lucky to live in such fortunate times. There is a wizard who can help us." Her face glowed with excitement. She took his hands in hers. Hours ago he would have exploded with joy. Minutes before.

"What's this about?" He whispered. "You aren't happy, you didn't want to marry him."

"Who are you going on about? Oh Rodolphus! He's a pureblood, of course I want to marry him. What are you on about? That bout of nerves?" She waived this away.

"Do you know what it means to be pureblooded? You're a pureblood. There are fewer of us left than we'd care to admit. But I'm not afraid to say it. You're one of the few left in the family with talent and energy. Together we can take the wizarding world, we can protect it. And maybe one day take back all the Muggles took from us. You have potential Cousin. Together we can do it. With him we could do it." Her eyes were feverish, her voice grew higher and higher, a witches cackle.

"What are you saying? Why me? I'm fifteen!" His voice cracked.

"Age won't matter Dogstar. You're young enough and fresh enough to do it. You think our parents will still make a difference? Oh sure, they speak against the Mudbloods and Half breeds and other rabble but do they do anything? They're all talk. Your father, dying even as we speak. My vain selfish mother only concerned with her jewels and robes and fancy parties. And my father convinced the dark arts will make him immortal! Does he turn his knowledge to our great cause? No! Too afraid someone will see where his true allegiance lies. But you and I and others like us, Malfoy, Narcissa…" She paused now studying his face. She seemed so powerful, so tall that Sirius was almost afraid to speak. Then all at once a dam broke in his chest. He felt as if a spell had been lifted.

"That was all? That was all you wanted of me? For me to join your little club? Malfoy." He attempted to sneer. It came out wrong, twisted and pitiful.

"I thought you liked me! I thought you cared!"

She reached for him again her face glowing with a strange power. "I do Cousin, I do care, don't you see you're one of us?"

He drew away from her with force wanting to knock her over. Wanting to hex her as he did Snape. He reached for his wand.

" You used me! You let me believe…you cursed me!" He shrieked. "It was the imperious curse, I never loved you at all!"

"Love? Cursed you? I didn't need to! You think I'd bother? What good would that do?" She seemed surprised but Sirius, mind working furiously, wasn't fooled. This was just another trick to catch him off guard. He raised his hand preparing to attack her.

She flicked her wand at him slowly almost idly. Cherry and dragon heartstring, 14 inches, soared overhead. She didn't move from the spot.

"I don't need you under my power; I need you of your own free will." She looked at him, her expression softening. "We need you." She continued, spreading her hands lyrically.

"The times I thought of you out of the blue, the feelings I had all at once, the times I..." He plowed forth oblivious of her. She smiled a short fierce smile. Her teeth brilliant, white and sharp.

"That's what love is boy, one day you'll learn. Love, just another unforgivable curse."

"Why did you do it? Why?" He questioned, his insides felt like ice.

"You did it yourself boy, whatever happened you made it happen yourself." There was nothing of that self satisfied air he had grown accustomed to. He was expecting her to gloat. Her matter-of-factness hurt more than anything else.

He didn't dare summon his wand. "I hate you." He said in a low voice. "I'll never join you. Never. You'll have to kill me first."

"Be careful, Sirius." Bellatrix whispered. She stripped aside her dressing gown revealing the wedding dress of palest blue silk embroidered with glimmering thread. She placed the veil on her head, butterflies fluttering gently as she did. She looked perfect, like a queen. She walked past him, eyes forward as if he weren't there. The butterfly wings fluttered up and down and up and down, under the imperious curse.

**Epilogue****: In the Gloom**

_Head down, shoulders hunched.__ He tries not to feel them as they pass, their presence sucking everything hopeful out of him, every last vestige of warmth. He whispers against the stone floor. "Sirius, Sirius Black. Dogstar. Sirius Black." Lest he forget his name. He remembers how he'd repeated Remus' name for him on many an occasion as he transformed. How he'd fought to remind his friend that he was still human deep inside, still human after all. He wonders briefly if she will do the same. If she will lose her humanity just as he slowly but surely is. Or if she ever had been human in the classic sense of the word._

_The rest of it is fog in a crystal ball. He has no memories of the wedding after that. Funny, he would have thought the Dementors capable of calling any bad memory back into life. But there is nothing else left of that day. His father lived another month. Mrs. Black became head of the house in earnest. A year after that he left home. It was a year too late. He swore he'd never look back. He swore he'd never join her. He built his life upon it. Why then did he end up here? He ended up here anyway despite all his efforts. The Black family reunited at last. Reunited after all._

**The End**


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